Cowboys & Aliens
Two Stars (out of five)
2011. Released by Universal Home Video. Running time: 118 minutes. Rated PG-13. Has closed captions, and English Subtitles. Special features include commentaries and behind the scenes features. This was reviewed on DVD on 1/2/11.

Blasted alien varmints! Get outa our sky!

What happens when you mix the director of the first two Iron Man movies with the writers from LOST and the ‘09 Star Trek film, and blend it all together with producers Ron Howard and Steven Spielberg? You get Cowboys & Aliens, an uneven, bland concoction that tries to mix the western with science fiction. It’s not a new idea. The video landscape is littered with straight to DVD western/SF titles. Based on the graphic novel by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg, C&A opens with an unknown man (James Bond’s Daniel Craig) waking up in the middle of the desert.

Typical science fiction watch...tells everything but the time! He’s got no boots, jacket, nor a hat. He also doesn’t know his name, or how he got there. But Craig’s character does have a weird metal manacle on his left wrist. He heads into the town of Absolution, New Mexico, where he gets an injury to his side patched up. When the local sheriff comes to arrest him in a saloon, he discovers that he’s an outlaw named Lonergan. But before he can be shipped off to be hanged in Santa Fe, Absolution comes under attack by a fleet of alien ships, which abduct a good number of the townsfolk. Longman’s weird bracelet comes to life and shoots down one of the ships.

Oh, why did I ever leave House?! But do they examine the ship by taking it apart? Oh no. They don’t do that because these are cowboys! They are manly men among men! We need to see them doing clichéd things like riding their horses, and leading a posse against the evil demons (their name for the aliens) with a cute kid, a dog and a beautiful woman in tow. The beautiful woman is a mysterious lass played by Olivia Wilde, who’s starring in her second dopey SF flick in a row (at least Tron: Legacy was far more pretty to look at). Harrison Ford co-stars as a ruthless cattleman, which is a welcome change of pace for Ford--until the writers turn him into a witless sap.

We just got smurfed?! Guess it's back to playing Bond and Indy for us! The overall cast (which includes Clancy Brown and Sam Rockwell) is excellent; the problem is the lame script, which has them all playing cardboard characters in a contrived story that's filled with clichés from both SF and western genres. The final battle scenes, where cowboys team up with an Apache tribe to fight off the aliens, should have been exhilarating--but instead it just fell flat for me. It’s hard to root for characters whom you have no personal investment for in a storyline that feels overly contrived. If only the script was as strong as the cast, then Cowboys & Aliens might have been a really fun ride, instead of being just another multi-million dollar waste of time that Hollywood needlessly churns out. --SF

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