When I was a kid back in the 1970s, I played with G.I Joe action
figures. But the Joes I had were the twelve inch versions, complete with hair
and beards that were actually furry, with the consistency of a Chia Pet after
the first week. Bear in mind that this was back in the 70s, when the military
was just as unpopular as the Vietnam War. And so as a child I played with what
was known as the "adventurer Joe." My Joes weren’t soldiers, but explorers who
traversed the globe looking for high adventure. I even had one Joe that came with a
mummy that was a third shorter than the Joe figure--which, for a while, led me
to believe that all mummies were extremely short guys, until I was set right
when I finally saw the Boris Karloff mummy movie.
G.I. Joe went corporate in the 1980s when Hasbro turned it into a
cartoon/comic book/toy mega-franchise. They shrunk the height of the Joe figures
to roughly the same size as the Star Wars figures, and then created a vast,
special forces team of Joes that were seemingly based on the Village People: a
sailor with a parrot; a ninja who doesn’t speak; a medic who’s a pacifist--even
Sgt. Slaughter, who was based on a wrestler. When I would fleetingly see the
cartoon from time to time, I half expected to see this motley crew break into
song: "MACHO, MACHO JOE; I’VE GOT TO BE A MACHO JOE…." As you may have guessed, I
wasn’t exactly the target audience for the 80s version of Joe, but I still enjoyed
the recently released live action film that was based on the 80s "corporate Joe".
For one thing, writer/director Stephen Sommers was probably the best choice to
helm this movie. The director of 1999’s The Mummy and 2001’s The Mummy Returns,
which I both loved, Sommer’s kinetic filming style is perfectly suited for a
movie that essentially deals with plastic action figures running around,
shooting at each other (his quirky sense
of humor is welcome here, too--such as the scene when the Baroness comments on
the "Nice shoes" of a woman whom she orders out of an elevator at gunpoint).
But the
real star of G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is the hardware, which can be sold as
toys--a marketing ploy that the original TV series also used to great effect.
Thus poor Dennis Quaid and Joseph Gordon-Levitt--both extremely good actors--are
reduced to rabid scenery-chewing as they speak absurd dialogue, just so they can
stand out amidst the glitter and spectacle of the CGI special effects. The rest
of the young, hard-bodied cast are serviceable, considering they’re all
basically playing cardboard characters. The constant flash backs to the sordid pasts of these one dimensional characters
was the one major draw back to this flick. Instead of just sticking to the
cartoonish premise and having fun, Sommers actually tries to flesh out the Joes
and their relationships, with unintentionally funny results.
Duke and the
Baroness have a sordid past--they were lovers, but now that undying love is
shattered as they face each other as mortal enemies on the battlefield! The
final confrontation between the good and bad guys is more about the Baroness’
real feelings for Duke, and this scene winds up being so ridiculous that it’s
hilarious. Still, G.I. Joe is enjoyable when Sommers stays on track and delivers
a rousing action/fantasy-air headed-popcorn film. It’s even complete with the
multitude of nameless extras who are savagely killed during the chase/battle
between the Joes and the baddies in Paris--but who cares, because they’re just
extras, right? Our heroes have far more important things to worry about than
mere collateral damage! Yo, Joe!
--SF
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