This movie isn’t just over the top, it’s over the moon. Just the
mere fact that they’re trying to convince us that WWE wrestler John Cena is a
Marine is asking for too much. But the action sequences are done up in such a
madcap style--with explosions on top of explosions, culminating in a blast
that’s practically a thermonuclear mushroom cloud, and all with Cena right in
the middle of it, escaping without barely a scratch--that it pushes this movie straight into the unintentionally funny comedy category. Cena’s character is so invulnerable to explosions, bullets and deadly blows to the body, that he should just consider donning a costume and serve humanity by fighting crime and evildoers everywhere.
Cena gets kicked out of the Marines because he disobeyed a direct order by going
into a terrorist den and rescuing three captured Marines--all single-handedly,
mind you. He comes home to his wife, who is played with such cutesy-pie, adorable
sweetness by Kelly Carlson, that you just know she only exists just to serve as
hostage-bait for the bad guys. And, sure enough, that’s what happens. A seriously slumming Robert Patrick (hope he got well-paid for this) is the leader of a band of jewel thieves who go around shooting and blasting everything in sight when they’re not making unfunny jokes. They’re gassing up at the same station that Cena and his wife are, and then cops pull in.
And then all hell breaks loose, with Cena’s wife being kidnapped by Patrick--but not before the gas station blows up real good (was this movie directed by a demolition expert, or what?). Of course, with his wife in danger, Mr. All-American Action Hero now has an excuse to open up a great big can of whoop ass! The film actually tries to be funny, but not with the lantern-jawed Cena, who plays it arrow-straight. The writers instead seek humor with the gang of bad guys, and promptly fall flat on their face as they try to wring laughs out of such touchy subjects as race relations and child molestation (ugh!). The so-called humor here is lame enough to be painful.
Cena is about as good as any other B-movie action star, which means that he’s
basically playing a bland, indestructible robot--I think Phillip Seymour Hoffman
can rest easy; it’s safe to say that Cena won’t be competing against him for any
future roles. The Marine is just another one of these dopey action films that
Vince McMahon, the grand pooh-bah of the WWE, has produced through his WWE film
subsidiary in an attempt to cash in on the popularity of one of his wrestlers.
And like most of these films, The Marine is a loud, brash and silly
film that’s entertaining for all the wrong reasons. See it only if you need a
good laugh at a ‘so-bad-it’s-funny’ flick. This actually made enough money
to warrant a far better sequel. --SF
Main Review Page | Action/Adventure Reviews |Email Me |The Marine (Unrated Edition)
