A mysterious urn is discovered in a cemetery in the Italian
countryside. The urn has strange, ancient writing on the sides. The local priest
orders the body to be reburied, but--fearing something is dreadfully wrong--he
sends the urn to a specialist in the occult in Rome. But when the package
arrives in the museum, the specialist isn’t in at the time, leaving it in the
possession of his two dim-witted assistants--one of whom is Sarah Mandy (Asia
Argento), the heroine of the film, which already doesn’t bode well for us--who
open the urn and study its contents, and unknowingly, they unleash a great evil
upon Rome. When Sarah goes to get a demon dictionary, her co-worker is savagely
worked over by three demonic apparitions and a monkey (???) who strangle her
with her own intestines.
Sarah returns to find her friend looking like road kill in the lab, with the
three demons cackling over her body. She then runs, while she’s being intently
stalked…by the monkey. No, I’m not kidding. Not only does a monkey stalk Sarah
through the opening scene, but she’s on the run from the same pissed off monkey
for pretty much the whole run of the film. With the advances in special effects
these days, is this the best Argento could come up with? A pissed off monkey?
Anyway, with the opening of the box, people in Rome start getting into fights,
commit suicide en mass and throw babies off of bridges--um, no…the same people
don’t do all of that, and certainly not in that order....but wouldn't it be funny if....
Um, never mind. Where was I? Oh yeah, the opening of the urn brings forth the
rise of the Mother Of Tears, who is the final of the three mothers--the black
witches who created witchcraft (the first two having been dealt with in Suspiria
and Inferno). As a sign of big mama’s arrival, Argento shows scenes of unruly
Goth chicks causing trouble in the airport, as they arrive in Rome for the
wildest party since the Blair Witch’s heyday. Asia Argento, the daughter of the
director, inherited her father’s gaunt features and wide, anxious eyes…and
little else. Asia has about as much screen presence as an empty paper bag
blowing in the wind--but at least the paper bag would still be more interesting
to watch.
And is if it weren’t bad enough to be constantly chased by a monkey, Sarah is
also dumber than a bag of hammers. She’s not a true hero in the sense that she
never takes the initiative--instead she just passively allows events to happen
to her while receiving ghostly advice from her dead mother, who sort of acts
like a supernatural Obi-Wan Kenobi. And just when you think the overall acting
can’t get any worse, Udo Keir--God bless him--shows up to chew the scenery.
Argento’s trademark lurid, gory death scenes come off as so over the top as to
be childish, and the film lacks any of the stunning visuals that could be found
in Suspiria and Inferno. It may have finally ended the Three Mothers trilogy
some thirty years after it started, but Mother Of Tears is the weakest film in
the series, which deserved a far better ending.
--SF
