Hi, it's me. Cage is acting really weird again. Yeah, I'll be late. Uh, don't wait up for me, he's really flipping out, here! Nicolas Cage is one of those actors who, when he’s good, he’s great, and when he’s bad, he’s very, very bad. National Treasure and Ghost Rider are perfect examples of Cage at his best and Next would have to be the latest example of Cage at his utmost worst. Cage stars as Cris Johnson, a seedy Las Vegas magician who has a secret--he can see a few minutes into the future, which serves as a boon for his magic show. Yet FBI agent Julianne Moore not only knows Johnson’s secret, but she’s trying to recruit him to help find a stolen nuclear bomb before it blows away Los Angeles. But, for some odd reason, Cris wants no part of this deal, and he uses his powers to dodge the FBI whenever they try to track him down. Apparently he doesn’t seem to care if several million Los Angelinos lose their lives in a nuclear blast.

You sure these corrective lenses will improve this movie? Because I feel weird wearing them. Instead, Cris is determined to meet the girl of his dreams, played by Jessica Biel, in a diner. Cris has had a premonition that he would meet her in this diner, and when he finally does, he woos the woman and they fall happily in love, and I was just about ready to fall asleep at this point. As if all of this wasn’t stupid enough, the terrorists who’re smuggling the bomb into the country have also heard about Cris’ abilities, and are trying to put a bullet into him before he can get wind of their plot--but apparently, they don’t know that he doesn’t care about helping to save LA. But that doesn’t stop the terrorists from trying to kill Cris anyway, and we’re subjected to several scenes of slow-motion acrobatics as Cris expertly dodges bullets and various other flying objects, aping Neo from the Matrix.

Jessica learns the hard way that the producers of Next don't want to hear any of her suggestions on how to make the film better. I’m getting a little tired of this mentality in films where somebody with a super ability must keep his head down and stay off the radar. Why? Why must Cage’s character scramble for a living day to day as a magician (as well as hustle a few bucks from casinos) when he could use his ability to make a killing in the stock market? A clairvoyant using his powers to become rich and powerful sounds like a far more interesting film. It certainly would be more interesting than seeing Cage repeatedly go through extensive action sequences, only to keep "rewinding" backwards, making us realize that what we just saw was merely one of Cage’s premonitions that never really happened.

Wait, there's a silly plot device waiting for us around this corner.... And the sight of Cage leading the FBI swat team around, using his super powers, is supposed to be cool--but instead it falls flat. Cage looks like a demented tour guide, calmly pointing out the dangers to the agents before they happen. Yet his weird, off-kilter performance gives him the vibe pf being in a completely different movie than the rest of the cast. Speaking of the rest of the cast, Moore is simply channeling her Clarice Starling impersonation from Hannibal, while poor Jessica Biel is stuck with the standard damsel in distress role. And as if all of this wasn’t bad enough, wait until you get to the really annoying ending (assuming you’ve made it this far without either falling asleep or shutting off the DVD player in disgust). If I had the ability to see several minutes into the future, I would probably know enough to avoid this stinker, which manages to waste the talents of such good actors as Cage, Moore and Biel. --SF

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