Bella…Bella…Bella. The poor girl, played with the thousand yard stare of boredom
by Kirsten Steward, just can’t stay out of trouble, can she? Still targeted for
revenge by the red-headed vixen vamp Victoria (now played by Bryce Dallas Howard;
from The Village, Lady In The Water
and Spider-Man 3), Bella is now torn between two lovers: the dead-headed vampire Edward (Robert Patterson) and the shirt-challenged werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner). While these three act out their sappy three-way tug of war, somebody’s been busy building a vampire army in the industrial wilds of Seattle, one that’s been training for a major battle.
The Cullens, the touchy-feely vampire clan who live in Forks, were planning to
pay a visit to Seattle to find out what the fang is going on--only to discover
that a road trip is unnecessary, since the vampire army is coming to Forks! Oh
no, will they kill Bella?! Oh, we should be so lucky! When I heard that David
Slade, the director of Hard Candy and
30 Days Of Night--one of my favorite vampire films--would be directing the third Twilight film, I actually held out some hope that it wouldn’t really suck.
But apparently, Dave’s got bills to pay, because he’s toned down the dark, nightmarish, freak show aspect that made 30 Days so much fun in favor of slavishly following the silly storyline laid out before him. Still, there are flashes of brilliance here--namely in casting the superb Bryce Dallas Howard, who ably gives her Victoria a real sense of menace. And the climatic battle scene between the Cullens, the Werewolves, and the army of vamp brats is exhilarating to watch; Slade handles the action brilliantly here.
If only this battle were the focus of the film, instead of it being on the three lame, whiny little morons who we’re saddled with as the main characters. There’s virtually no chemistry between Steward, Patterson and Lautner. Their scenes together, which are supposed to be fill of angst, are actually just laughable to watch. And the script is not much better than the leads hired to speak its empty, vapid words. An unintentionally hysterical scene in a tent, where Edward and Jacob profess their love over a sleeping Bella, just shows that this entire film series is simply an inane little girl fantasy, and it really has no interest in being anything more than that.
--SF
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